I’m currently in my last semester of my MFA program. The last three semesters seem to have flown by, and I wonder where the hell the time went. My thesis is due to my advisor by March 9. My thesis reading (which counts as my thesis defense) is February 28. Graduation is May 8. And then what? Pretty much since August 2016, I have either been going to school full-time or getting ready to go to school full-time. Now I have to be a grown up and get a real job.
The last time I had a real job, it lasted for 7 and a half days. And then Ethan died.
It’s not rational, but part of me is terrified that something terrible will happen to someone I love more than my own life. Not that higher education is some kind of protective cocoon (although it is to some extent), but it’s familiar, it’s structured, it’s full of people who are supportive and interested in literature and writing and asking questions and hopefully finding answers. And now I have to find a way to support myself and my family in a way that they have been supporting me all this time. And yes, it’s selfish of me to want to hide from that, but that selfishness is rooted in fear. So much fear.
I don’t really know what happens next, or how to proceed. It’s all very overwhelming.